Over this past summer, June 22 to be exact, I tore my trap muscle. I had no idea that it happened either. I was doing some dynamic stretching warming up for deadlifts that morning. As soon as I bent over to touch my foot I felt something strange happen to my upper back. I can’t explain the feeling, it just felt different. I still did my workout that day just fine. I iced my trap that night just as a precaution and thought everything should be fine. However, the next day it felt like someone poured concrete into my neck. I couldn't move at all! I had to roll off my bed in order to even get out of bed. I then crawled to my phone like a newborn baby. I managed to call my mom and asked her to make an appointment with my uncle who is a chiropractor. When I finally managed to get to my uncle’s, he told me to lie on his table so he could inspect the damage. He could tell there was a lot of inflammation and that I probably strained or slightly tore my trap. He said I would need to take a few weeks off from using the muscle. He adjusted me, which helps in speeding up the recovery. To be honest, I do not remember the rest of the visit. My mind blacked out given the pain and all the worries. 
So after a few weeks off I was back at it, doing Crossfit. Just a little bump in the road, I told myself. That was until I strained my trap again in late September. This time I knew exactly what it was when I felt it happen. This time, thankfully, it wasn't as bad. So after another trip to my uncle I decided to rehab my trap back by swimming. After a month of swimming I felt great. I still did Crossfit here and there, but not as intense.
Late November, I decided to start doing Crossfit again and I wanted to join a box so I could have a coach and a good program so that my injury wouldn't come back. I joined a box downtown called Queen City Crossfit and I fell in love with it. Loved the coaches, members, the programming, and the extra push and encouragement everyone gave during the workouts. My coach knew about my trap injury and would only push me to where I was not risking injury recurring. I started to feel confident enough again in my body that I could go harder during workouts. Well I was wrong. I strained my trap again for a third time in a matter of months.
I was pissed off at my body. Why is my body not letting me push myself to the limit that I am so accustomed to? Where did I screw up? Am I ever going to be 100% again? All these questions blew up in my mind. I decided it was in my best interest to stop going to my box and doing the thing I love. I told myself I would not put a time limit on how long my recovery should be. I have been taking it very easy working out and rehabbing my trap back to health. From many visits to my uncle this past month and long talks with my mom who also dealt with a sports injury tearing her ACL playing tennis, I still do not know if I am emotionally ready to start working out again at the same intensity I am accustomed to. That’s right, I said emotionally ready. Physically, my trap feels better for the most part. After messing up my trap the third time, I know what exercises I need to work on. However, there are not any exercises I know that can help me forget about my injury. I still am scared every day I work out that I might tear my trap again and be forced to take another month or more off.
The human body is an amazing organism. It will constantly fix itself know matter what you did to it given time, rest, and nutrition. However, your body cannot fix your mind. My trap injury has definitely changed my perspective on sports injuries. Coming back from an injury is tough because it is like getting put in a cage with a lion and it bites your arm off. After surgeons give you a new, stronger arm, they put you back in the cage with the lion. Of course you are scared because you think the lion is going to bite your arm off again. However, if you have the confidence and forget about the fear, you can beat that lion. Well this week I decided I need to go back in the cage with the lion and continue with my fitness journey without that fear. I decided that life is too short to be fearful of reaching for your goals.
Thanks Uncle Dave and mom for giving me the support I needed to get me through this injury.
Ryan Morrison is a senior at the University of Cincinnati studying Food & Nutrition leading a certification as a Registered Dietitian. Ryan currently works at the University of Cincinnati Department of Environmental Health & Safety and at the University's Recreational Center where he conducts group fitness classes. And of course he is my Nephew.
